Since Samhain I have been doing some serious thinking. This has not been the manic monkey-mind style of unfocused thinking that is my usual style but really THINKING about what I want from the rest of my life. I still cannot give an answer on that one, even though I can feel mySelf more in charge of my mind, rather than the other way around. I forget that, just like my computer, my mind is a tool that has practical and useful purposes. More often than not, my mind is in endless, egoistic and emotional turmoil, working against me, rather than for me.
I don't think I'm alone on that one!
Once, I wrote in my journal:
'"If I'm creating it all...
...WHY?"
This afternoon I experienced somewhat of a breakthrough moment. I was sitting in the sun, deciding what my next move should be in the immediate sense, and where do I want to go from here in my life. I realised that whatever action I took next, in the NOW, would make either a large or a small change to where I ended up in my life. This is not rocket science and I have read similar advice in self help books for many years. However, this time I felt the reality of this and saw very clearly that decisions I have pending will either make it more likely that I will stay where I am or, they will take me nearer to a move away from the quinta.
For example, purchasing a new washing machine, upgrading the plumbing and planting more trees are decisions that would increase the likelihood of me staying put; keeping in touch with friends who have offered to house-sit raises the chances of travel; upgrading the campervan and marketing our property are necessary steps if I want to move away and do something else. Once a realisation like that becomes clear, there is no way I can go back to being a victim of circumstance. I am creating it all and I must therefore be very careful that I do know WHY!
At the moment, I am looking around at the people I know best, and deciding whose life-style I most admire. This is not because I intend to imitate someone else's life, but because I am currently so far out of touch with my true desires. I need some pointers and some people provide better creative inspiration that others. This brings me around to recommending a podcast that made me want to scream create, create, create'. Do listen to the inspiring Mother Henna, talking with Jamie Ridler on Creative Living with Jamie. Mother Henna managed to turn every woman's nightmare, the death of a baby, into creative expression that clearly permeates her whole life. I was lifted by this podcast, which touched on many issues that are on my mind at the moment. Thank you ladies for doing what you do and leaving signposts for others to follow your trail.
Mother Henna's website is here and her moving blog is here. I've been following the work of Jamie Ridler for over a year, when I came across her explorations with the book "Wreck This Journal" by Keri Smith. Here is her video that explains what that was about:
I'm going to listen to the podcast again and probably again after that, until I start to convince myself that I too can have a creative life. After all, I have been living away from the mainstream for over ten years now and I believe it's too late to turn my back on that. I have to use what I have and create something wonderful from it - it's what the Goddess wants us all to do with our lives.
4 comments:
I'm so glad that the podcast with Mother Henna had such an impact! She is a powerful woman with a powerful story to tell. And I'm so glad we've connected! I'll look forward to seeing where this journey takes you!
Thanks Jamie - As role models for developing one´s authentic selves, you ladies are stars.
*hugs*
It is the time of the year, isnt it?
We go deeper, and sometimes we fear, that there is nothing for us to find. But that is not true. We are like wells. Sometimes we need to dig deeper, because life tossed some dirt in them, but finally we find the waters of creativity and creation. :)
Thanks Sanna - you are so right about the fear aspect and thanks for the encouraging words.
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